


Under your skin

by Konquina



Category: Star Wars, The Force Awakens - Fandom, kylux - Fandom
Genre: Cuties, Emotional unstable Kylo, Fluff, M/M, Unfinished, smut (later on..?), space boyfriends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5785492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konquina/pseuds/Konquina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's basically an emotional unstable Kylo who figures out who he really is and on the way it goes straight to Kylux trash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work ever and I'm not a native English speaker so please forgive me, I'm trying^^  
> I hope you enjoy it!

Today was one of those days where Kylo Ren was utterly frustrated with his life, even tho he wouldn't let anyone know. After hours of excessive training he decided to give up.  
He couldn't concentrate anymore.  
In the last few days he could feel that something wasn't right and his emotions were going wild like a storm.  
Deep inside he could have guessed that it may be because of the murder of his father but he would never admit that. To keep his face in the first order because he knew he couldn't talk with anyone about it. He was followed by constant angst and had a lot of nightmares in the nights, which made him wake up sweating and scared.

As he walked through the hallways of the giant new spaceship he recognized Captain Phasma walking right towards him. They both wore their helmets so nobody could guess what their facial expressions were.  
"The higher ups are having an important meeting in no time, I guess you got the message but decided to ignore it?", she asked in an arrogant tone.  
"I got it and decided to pass", Kylo answered as he started to walk again, because he didn't wanted to talk more to the general in his current condition.  
"Aw, is the little Sith Kitten not in the mood.?"  
Kylo just hissed and walked faster. He just wanted to get away from her, just wanted to get away from everything.  
It made him furious that she wasn't respectful towards him.  
He finally reached his personal quarters.  
As the door opened he first threw away his helmet and ruptured his uniform apart.  
Hot agony boiled in his body and he felt the urge to let it out somehow, but he wouldn't break more equipment of the ship so the others could make more fun of him.  
He buried his face in his hands and wanted to scream, he wanted this feeling of guilt, disappointment and regret to go away.  
He wanted to stop thinking of himself as a failure. He wanted to clean his head, he wanted to rip his mind out of his brain.  
Slowly sinking to his knees, he heard a little sob coming out of him what made his agony even worse.  
'Not this again, not this..' He thought and cursed himself for being weak like this.  
His Raven hair fell into his face as he looked at the ground watching a small tear falling onto it.  
Kylo observed the sparkling of the light in the tear and his own reflection in it.  
Suddenly it was knocking on the door.  
The shivering man startled up. He fixated the door with his eyes, scared someone had heard him, scared someone had seen him, even if this was impossible.  
It knocked again.  
"Who's there?", he asked as he tried to sound like his normal cold and professional tone.  
"Hux is here"  
Kylo frowned.  
"What gives me the pleasure of you coming here?"  
"This is no pleasure and more likely I have to ask myself why I am here and you are not were I was, what was, to your information, an important meeting"  
From Hux' voice it was clearly that he was really annoyed but he kept his professional tone.  
"I already told Phasma that I didn't feel well and there absolutely no reason why I have to explain myself to you, General", he pronounced the last word heavily with anger in this voice. It was a waste of time to talk to Hux, he just wanted to be let alone.  
"One day your arrogant attitude will tear you down, Lord Ren"  
The shoes of the General made a monotone sound as he walked away from Kylo's quarters.  
Kylo's mind was now empty. He didn't felt the anger as before.  
Right now he didn't felt anything.  
Numbed like this he looked at the small tear right in front of him.  
It was so tiny and sparkling the whole time like it wanted to mock Kylo.  
The two stared at each other for a little time until Kylo decided to wipe the tear away rose and walked to his bed where he sat down.  
He just wanted that everything around him would stop.  
Deep inside he wanted anyone to listen, to understand, even if he himself didn't knew this fact.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scenery built up and more of Kylo anxiety (sorry^^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wished I could upload earlier but my final exams are coming, I'm sorry.  
> But I hope you enjoy it :3

The incident the last day had an impact on Kylo, he now tried to keep an emotional distance to everything.  
The words from Hux brought him to thinking. Technically he was right. When he wanted to achieve his goal he should start cooperating with others and help to bring the First Order further.  
This would be necessary to get closer to his personal goal.  
But this would involve talking more to Phasma and Hux, which was abhorrent for him.

But now he was standing in front of the door of the meeting room where he knows that Hux was inside.  
The First Order was planning on building a base on an abandoned planet, where they could create new weapons and prepare their further plans. Kylo agreed to help with the preparations and the final completion.  
The ships was already on approach on the chosen planet.  
He thought that maybe some work that was clear structured would help him to get away from his emotional disasters.

He opened the door.  
Hux looked slightly surprised at him and nodded as a greeting.  
Kylo ignored the look and sat down at the big, black table which was shining elegantly.  
He examined Hux.  
As usual he wore his black uniform, which was fastidious clean and neat. The cut of the uniform hid his normal body form and made him appear bigger.  
His hair was so correctly done that Kylo asked himself if he used a ruler every morning.  
"What are you looking at?", asked Hux as he frowned.   
"I'm searching for cat hair at your uniform..", answered Kylo and smirked.  
"Did you found some?"  
"Unfortunately not"  
Hux rolled his eyes and gave Kylo a bunch of papers.  
They were mostly blueprints, maps and location statistics.

"The planet we are approaching is a pure forest planet. Life there is possible for us and the conditions are more than perfect. It is called Pan-3-13. You see here the location where we plan to built the base", he pointed at the giant map. "As you can see, we have the sea right in front of us, but we are protected through a bay. The underwater here is critical, only when you have the exact coordinated you can pass it. Far behind the previous point, there is a mountain chain with a small opening. Until the mountains there are square kilometers of forest, even a small lake in the north west and a swamp. The forest is very dense. Tactical perfect"

Kylo nodded. "How do you plan on actually building the base? Where are we going to get the supplies from?"

"I ordered a few ships who are bringing supplies and workers from planets and systems that support us. We wouldn't already be approaching the location if I wouldn't have everything already organized"

"Right..", Kylo mumbled and went through the papers. "When have you done all this?"

"While you were hiding in your quarters, not attempting meetings and not talking to anyone"

Kylo bristled. But technically, Hux was right.

"Well", Hux started "we still have to classify the area in different sections, which I would like you to do. Look at the map and the environment and tell me which sections will be fit for close combat or other units. Who then later on will be in those units I have to discuss with Phasma. I have to focus completely on the organization of the building and logistics of Zelos."

"Zelos?"

"The base, Ren. Haven't you read the opening writing I gave to you? Well apparently not. Can you go through the classification?"

Kylo laughed. "Wherever you always get those names from. But yes I'll do this"

\- - - - - - -

He stood in a small wooden boat. Around him was a giant lake and it was foggy. Awfully foggy.  
He couldn't see what was around the lake or where he was. It was already dark and the dark blue from the sky, mixed with the greenish-blue of the lake and the fog produced a calm, but slightly dangerous matt-blue.  
The fog was in constant motion. Like branches and clouds it curled around the boat and danced in the surface of the water.  
Kylo could hear the silent noise of the water tap against the wood. The little waves formed patterns which fitted aesthetically to the pattern of the fog.  
Somehow this scenery had something really calm, but Kylo could feel the tension in the air.  
Like prey which is watched by his predator.  
But he couldn't move, he was captured on this little boat.  
Suddenly he heard a voice. Mellow and gentle.  
He couldn't hear the exact words but he knew somehow automatically that it was calling him.  
Turning around constantly he tried to find the source of the voice.  
The fog got more dense, the voice got louder.  
Hectic and nervous Kylo Ren tried to see anything through the fog, he tried to see something different than this matt blue and white.  
The patterns repeated now more and looked more like branches.  
They tried to clench him, they tried to get close to him.  
He turned around, and saw it.  
A figure in bright light, a silhouette like a human.  
He screamed, he tried to free him, he punched in the air, trying to get rid of the branches. Cold fear came up in him. His breathing was fast and he couldn't look at the figure.  
But the branches cramped on his head and turned it with force to the figure.  
It was him.  
It was Kylo Ren.  
He looked himself in the eyes.  
More fear was raising up in him.  
The figure's hand reached out.   
Kylo fought, he didn't wanted to be touched, he wanted to get a distance between them, but he couldn't move.  
Then they stared at each other, Kylo couldn't look away. He just couldn't. An invisible force was keeping the look.  
"Come to me", the figure whispered.  
In an instant it took his hand and with a giant strength it pulled him into the water with it.

With a silent scream Kylo woke up.  
He was breathing heavily and fast.  
The feeling of drowning was still filling his lungs.  
Cold sweat was dripping from his long hair, glueing the curls together and making it heavy.  
He stared into the void of his bedroom. Everything looked surreal.  
'Again', he sighed. There was nearly no night in which he wasn't haunted by nightmares.  
Slowly he tried to normalize his breathing.  
He felt cold, goose bumps were all over his skin.  
Through the window he already could see the surface of Pan-3-13.  
Groaning he laid down again.  
He stared at the ceiling, examining the pattern.   
It didn't move.


End file.
